About Me

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Grassroots activist, feminist, sociologist, poop talk pro, future foster mom, travel whore, thrift store junky, music and food consumer.

Tuesday, December 23, 2014

The Pig Reviews the Year of the Horse

Overview: I did a lot of travelling this year. Very surprising considering I made less money this year than I've made in 5 years. I went to Omaha, NE, Fayetteville, NC, Chicago, Champaign, IL, Gulf Shores, AL, Murfreesboro, TN, Kissimmee, FL, Dallas, TX, Washington D.C and of course STL and my home town. I was able to visit friends and family I haven't seen in years and years! This will definitely be remembered as a pivotal year in my life. I turned 31 and despite keeping it pretty low key, I received the most gifts and birthday shout outs ever. I've made more new friends this year than any other year in my life. I'm a networking beast now! I went indoor skydiving, roller skated for the 2nd time in my adult life, attended 2 of my family reunions, checked out Universal Studios, swam in the blessed gulf of Mexico, got to attend a women's equality conference, and somehow managed to keep my body from killing me. I lived life this year.

I also had to learn to let people I love dearly live their lives. It's not easy for me to cut ties with people I care about, but letting them live turned out to be allowing me to live too, which brings me to my next point. I learned so many life lessons. I am currently into yoga and massage therapy. Began reading about chakras, which I've always heard about but never really dove into, and can't stop telling everyone how much I've learned about women's health. I buy all organic, unprocessed foods. I rediscovered my passion for cooking. On top of all that, I'm working on accepting people for who they are and working with them. I'm not good at being fake, but there's nothing fake about treating people accordingly. This was an eventful year for me. I'm a broke college student trying to reconfigure how I understand and process info about the world and myself. One who knows anything knows that they know nothing at all. This year I learned to be okay with the fact that I am a work in progress. I will never have all the answers. 

Activist me: I have been blessed to work alongside some of the most incredible humans I've ever had the pleasure of knowing. We strategize and come up with tactics together. These people are my extended family. They have taught me so much about myself. When I dove in some 3 odd years ago, I knew I was making a life changing decision. I have gone back and forth with myself so many times in search of finding a balance between academia and activism. Finding that balance has been a very pressing struggle, however I realized that they inform each other. I need them both close to me at all times. They have been the water and sun to me the seed. I bud, and continue to bloom because of their mercy. I end this year knowing that I, and this world, will forever be changed because of events that have unfolded in this year. 

In 2011, I watched the rest of the world show up by the thousands to contest their frustrations with widening inequalities. I wondered when we too would join them. I wonder no more. I have never felt more alive, more capable, or more hopeful. Labor, faith-based, community, and student groups are joining forces; working together to show us what an all-inclusive movement looks like. When my children and my grandchildren ask where I was when the streets were filled with anger, frustration, tears, shouts, blood, courage, and bravery, I will be able to tell them that I was there. I was here. This was the year I realized that the personal is political and the political is personal. 

Friend Me: I am not your challenge. I am not interested in giving you a hard time so you can feel victorious on the rare occasion I tell you you're right. You may not speak with conviction about matters you have no expertise,educational background, and/or lived experience with. You are not an all-knowing creature in possession of objectivity. Every being high and low who meets me and thinks that they hold the key to unlock my mysterious centers can choke on some volcanic ash. I am not a thing that needs to be conquered or tamed. I really don't like people who swear they are more important than they are. All of us could die and the world would keep revolving and evolving (unless we died along with the Earth). 

I have gone through so many different phases and my thoughts about where I want to be intimately placed with others has shifted to presently not consuming myself with anxieties about it. I've tried being perfect. I have since realized that no one loves me because I am perfect, and I do not love anyone because I think they are perfect. We love each other for our quirks, the things that set us apart, that makes us "us." When it is said that you have to first love yourself, its only somewhat true. First, you have to be loved or you will never know that you can be loved as you are. Also, in a world where we are bombarded with messages and images that tell us we should hate ourselves (and buy whatever is being advertised to improve), it is an ever increasing struggle to not look in the mirror and find things that you hate about yourself. Regardless of how many people tell you that you are ugly and worthless, there are people who will and do see the beauty in you. This is why when I get compliments I accept them like a boss! Thank you, but do note that your approval doesn't make or break me. No need to interrupt your day to let me know I look good. I wouldn't be out here if I didn't. --- Note that nowhere in this monologue did I use "imperfections" or "flaws" to describe myself Hate when those words are used as descriptions for people's looks or personalities. 

I can admit that every once in a while I crave attention in the worst ways, but it doesn't consume me because for the first time in a long time, I feel like I am exactly where I'm supposed to be, doing exactly what I am supposed to be doing. I've spent a great deal of my mind power pondering the complexities of my relationships with others, and one of the big conclusions I made this year that has helped me dearly is this: we're never taught how to be or that we could be "just" friends with those we are told we "should" desire. Well, its not only possible, but it can be really easy if both of you understand that being good friends does not mean you will make a "good couple" (whatever that means). I have 2 male best friends. We tell each other we love each other all the time. They know more of my business than any other people on this earth (minus my best girlfriend of course!). Contrary to some recent voiced concerns, I do not have my walls up. I just know better, so I do better. This year I lived like a human with feelings. I need people to love me and I need to love people.
2015 Me: I will take the lessons of 2014, one of the most challenging and exciting years of my life, and apply them in my life forever more. Life lessons if you will. My Chinese horoscope says next year will be a bit calmer, and I hope its right...it was this year - like freakishly right this year!! I will not shop 'til I drop. I will make it the year of financially responsible me. Its not like I'm completely irresponsible, but that is definitely an area of my life that can use improvement. Hell, this year I swore to stop shopping at Walmart and I did that! Giving up one-stop shopping was indeed a challenge of all challenges. 

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